Dependency
I came to the realization this week that I'm not depending on God for very much. I wake up, eat breakfast, sometimes spend time with God, go do whatever it is I'm supposed to do that day, come in, watch TV, sometimes hang out with friends, go to bed. On Sundays I go to church and am a worship leader in the morning and a youth minister at night. Sometimes I hang out with the youth outside of church. I hate living like this. It's too easy, too simple. I'm not asking for a Job-like disaster or anything, but I'm so comfortable that it's almost like I don't know what to do with God. I'm so easily entertained by video games, TV, sports, and hanging out (none of these are wrong), that I feel like I'm just coasting through life without any reverance or awe of my Creator. It's a sucky place to be.
The hard thing is that I've come to this revelation before, decided to "cut" some things out (you know those things that are ok for you to do but you feel like you need to be away from for little while...like TV), and ended right back up at the same place I am now - complacent, neutral, and at the same time...very discontent.
When I went to Thailand for two months, it was the most difficult, uncomfortable time of my life, and yet I have never been more dependent and in awe of Jesus than during that time. Now I'm back in America, out of college, living in Moody, everything is easily accessible, and I'm extremely discontent and not in awe of my Creator. Anybody else have this issue? What does it look like to walk with God in "a land so plentiful"?
The hard thing is that I've come to this revelation before, decided to "cut" some things out (you know those things that are ok for you to do but you feel like you need to be away from for little while...like TV), and ended right back up at the same place I am now - complacent, neutral, and at the same time...very discontent.
When I went to Thailand for two months, it was the most difficult, uncomfortable time of my life, and yet I have never been more dependent and in awe of Jesus than during that time. Now I'm back in America, out of college, living in Moody, everything is easily accessible, and I'm extremely discontent and not in awe of my Creator. Anybody else have this issue? What does it look like to walk with God in "a land so plentiful"?
posted by Rick at 3:09 PM
2 Comments:
i think a lot of people are dealing with this right now- the i'm-substituting-alot-for-God thing.
i think it's something we do all the time, but, thankfully, God gives us moments of realizing that we're operating on our own strength, doing our own thing.
i was thinking the other day "if i had a boyfriend..." then i realized- if i did, i would just rely on him to fill some of the void that i'm already filling with other things. just something else to distract me from really getting to know God.
it seems to me that God is the always plentiful land that we walk in and sometimes wonder out of. a lot of my problems get solved when i have nothing to depend on but God...like moving to a huge city and starting school at a huge university where i know no one. you know those verses in psalms 1 that talk about being a tree planted by a river (water?). anyway, that's how i picture plentiful.
being planted in God.
Wow. intense post. I like it.
I think I’ll find contentment around the time I find death.
For me, I think exploring the idea that I’m free – like really free – free to be angry at god and free to question everything and free to spend my time however I want and free to not care about God and free to be a bad Christian and free to be selfish and free to hate the bible and free to be angry at church – has led me to actually being in awe of Jesus.
It’s weird, and I can’t explain it, and in many ways things are very, very fucked up for me, but at the end of the day, exploring this idea of freedom has helped me understand in very surprising ways what it means to follow Jesus.
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