If any of you are like me, spending time alone with God sometimes feels like homework. You dread it, you lack motivation to do it, and even sometimes once you get into it, you still find your mind wandering and your attention unfocused. Now we know that quiet times are not intended to be homework by any means. It is meant for time with a Father, a developing and deepening of a relationship. Only thing is, what if you don't "feel" like it? What if you'd rather do something else? Sure, you can force yourself to do it and end up joyful and satisfied (usually the case), but should the preface to my quiet time be, "Aww man. I forgot I had to do that"? I don't think so.
Maybe these feelings root from the training I received in college (which was excellent training by the way), and I just need to mix things up a little to get away from the same ol' same ol'. I'm thankful that I've learned how to cross-reference and read over and over for deeper meaning and look up the Greek. But most times, I don't want to do that. And what's harder, if I feel like I'm having to force myself to "tap in" to God, I lose motivation and think, "Well, I'll just try again tomorrow."
I wouldn't say that my walk with the Lord is suffering right now. It's actually really good. I guess I just want to desire God and not feel like he's a gas tank I go to each day to fill up.
Here's a promise I'm clinging to...
"...he who abides in me in Me, and I in him, he bears much fruit; for apart from Me you can do nothing...These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full." -John 15: 5, 11